You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
