Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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