I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
