My hand turned me down
i just had sex bonerless
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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