so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
