Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
