It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
