Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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