Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
