3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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