margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All the doctor said was why
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
