Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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