Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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