I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
