She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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