Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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