Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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