guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
