I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
