"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
