apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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