Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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