yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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