guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
