i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She even gives head with a lisp.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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