dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
