We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
