you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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