We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
