Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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