im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
