I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
