24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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