Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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