The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
