This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
