bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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