So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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