i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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