i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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