i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
