He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
