It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
