This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
