4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
