We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
