Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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