i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
