How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
