Cold hands, warm shart.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
