come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
