The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
