Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
