does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
