The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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