Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
