I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
