she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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