I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
