it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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