My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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