I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
