can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
