The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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