My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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