im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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