im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
