My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize