guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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