I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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