I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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