At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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