i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
