You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
