This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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