oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
