My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
